Remembering Thoughtless Thoughts
by RedHotPhoenix
Summary: [IchiRuki] Rukia remembers what she did in the past and contemplates on dying. Let's see Ichigo's thoughts about this. [Chapter 2 with lemon is the end of this story]


**I NO OWNY BLEACH**

'It's another rainy day…' Rukia thought while looking up at the sky. The once soft drizzles of cold liquid that lightly dampened her skin became hard, piercing needles that penetrated through her skin. The skies were dark with black, greyish clouds. It must have been a hint to everyone who was gazing at the skies like her that today was going to be a sad day.

She just stayed in her spot, standing just a few meters away from Ichigo's house, next to a lamp post with flickering lights. The hard, needle-like piercing rain helped remind her that she should be dead. She **should** be dead. Why wasn't she dead? She blinked and felt a wave of warmth pass through her body as remembered how fierce and determined Ichigo's face looked when he gazed down at her and mumbled, " Rukia…I'm here to save you." She had smiled both outside and inside when she remembered how he grinned at her. She remembered how she reacted after he had given her one of his genuine, boy-ish, sheepish grins, her knees began to wobble, she was close to collasping and she didn't know why. She felt most of her blood leave her body to rush up to her face and suddenly made her face feel warm.

She had not known what that emotion was called, but she did remember when Inoue was ranting on and on about the word called 'love' and why it was so 'good' and 'heart-warming' to both Tatsuki and her. Perhaps that was what she had felt at that moment, love. But to whom was that love thing for? Ichigo? Herself? Who? Just to whom did that emotion of hers belong to? She herself knew not the answer. Perhaps she would ask Inoue more about it.

Rukia's eyes were closed as she smiled softly to no one. After a few moments she opened her eyes warily and continued to look up at the sky, the rain was blinding her vison and her eyes soon were clouded with a mixture of salt and water. She was crying; she was reminising; she wanted to die. She wanted to die for all the sins she had commited.

She stood still, still not moving from her spot and pondered, 'but what would she accomplish if she died? How would everyone react to her death?' Sure, she was a shinigami and even though she wasn't meant to live on earth amongst people and didn't quite fit in with, she still **wanted** to continue living life on earth because she wanted to be with **him**. **Him**, the guy who had risked his life to save her own countlessly. **Him**, the guy who she had been avoiding for a while. **Him**, the guy who she felt strange around. **Him**, the guy named Ichigo Kurosaki.

"Oi! Ru-rukia!" a voice called out.

Rukia turned her head, still not moving from her spot to gaze at the man who had just called out her name with an experssionless face with unreadable, big, violet eyes. It was Ichigo Kurosaki, the last guy she had wanted to see at the momment. She squinted to get a better view of him. The rain was altering her vision, it was getting blury, very blurry.

His brown eyes were filled with a foreign emotion, one which Rukia had not known. It was worry. His eyes read the emotion, 'worry,' plain, flat and clear. He was worried about her, after all, she was standing in the pouring rain.

She hadn't realized that Ichigo was right beside her untill he had lifted her off of the ground, carrying her in a bridal posistion. "I-Ichigo…" Rukia whispered softly while staring into Ichigo's brown eyes, shocked. Why hadn't she sensed he was walking towards her? Was she that out of it? No. It definitely had to have been the rain. Afterall, the rain was pouring down pretty hard. She wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't heard her soft whisper.

She didn't mind getting soaked to the bone, she didn't mind that she was freezing, she didn't mind that she might catch a cold, she didn't mind the thought of Ichigo taking care of her and calling her weird. So she waited for it, but his words of insult never came.

Ichigo dismissed her calling his name, said nothing and quickly carried her into his house, noting not to barge straight into the house and have Rukia's head and legs bang into the door walls. He took out his spare keys to the house, unlocked a few locks and turned the door knob. Before entering, he turned his body sideways, closely watching if any part of Rukia's body came within close contact of the walls. He mentally sighed a sigh of relief and silently closed the door. He felt Rukia shiver in his arms and used flash step to quickly get her into his room.

He sat a wet, dripping Rukia down on his toilet seat and told her to take a shower first. "Here's your clothes," Ichigo dropped some baggy clothes that looked like his own onto a flat surface in the bathroom, "and yea, they are my clothes. Don't like it? Get used to it," he added, snorting. Rukia blinked and scrutinized at Ichigo. "Karin's already asleep," Ichigo stated while walking out of the bathroom, waving his hand lazily in the air. Rukia smiled and glanced over to where Ichigo had placed his clothes for her.

"Still same old Ichigo," Rukia commented before stripping her clothers off and turning the shower faucet on.

The warm water came splashing down on her face. The heat felt good against her once cold skin. She turned her eyes to see that the transparent glass that kept the water inside the shower inside had become foggy. Confused at the sudden color change, she tilter her head to her right and put her hand on the white, opague colored wall. She took her hand off and with a gasp, gaped at the handprint she left behind. She walked closer towards the wall and watched as it slowly began to turn a whitish, opague color again. Amused, she began using her fingers to draw Chappy the rabbit and happily began to hum a tune.

After she was finished with her masterpiece, she announced a 'tada!' to no one but herself and grinned as she stared, then gasped at what she had drawn. Every single line, and every single curve she had drawn ended up spelling the word, "I-C-H-I-G-O K-U-R-O-S-A-K-I." How was it that she was only thinking about drawing Chappy the rabbit when she really ended up spelling the name of the one and only Ichigo Kurosaki, the guy who gave her weird gut feelings. The guy who had just carried her into his room, sat her at his bathroom and gave her his own clothes to wear for the night. Just what the fuck was going on here?

Rukia's small face twisted into a face full of question and immeidately used her hand to smear everything she had written. Her bath was over, no question about it.

Rukia opened up the once white, opague colored door to grab a towel. She dried herself thoroghly and sighed. She looked in the mirror and with half idled eyes murmured, "I'm already past the age of 150…so why the fuck are my breasts so small?"

Ichigo had definitely changed her language, she noticed that she had begun to 'use more vivid words.' She grinned, she had definitely taken a toll on Ichigo alright. Letting a thin arm reach out to where Ichigo's clothes were, she scooped them up and buried her face in it. It had his masculine scent in it. Rukia sighed and quickly put on his clothes.

She opened up the bathroom door and saw a shivering Ichigo standing on 2 large plastic bags. It was an obvious attempt to not make his white carpet floor wet. She chuckled, amusement dancing within her eyes, "Oi, Ichigo. Sorry I took so long. Shower's all yours."

Ichigo murmured some swear words and unfortunely for him, Rukia caught them. She chuckled again. Ichigo the human was very, **very** amusing.

Both Ichigo and Rukia were done with their showers. Rukia was lying down on Ichigo's bed with her head resting on his soft pillow, gazing out the window, staring at the stars with a content face while Ichigo was facing away from Rukia, trying to concentrate on something else like homework other than the sight of Rukia on his bed looking inviting. **Very** inviting.

Ichigo was having wars inside his own brain, telling his 'perverted self' to go away and bother someone else other than him while Rukia was having her own little war within herself.

"What would you do if I died, Ichigo?" Rukia asked out loud. The thought had been devouring her inside, she had always wanted to know what he thought about her death. Would he like it if she died? Secretly, she thought that she would just commit suicide plain and easy if he said yes…

Ichigo turned his head and sneered,"Heh, like that's ever gunna happen." He turned back and opened a book that was the nearest to him and began reading. Why was she asking these type of questions? Secretly, it had hurt him that she was thinking of such thoughts.

Rukia jolted up from her comfortable posistion to a sitting posistion and watched Ichigo with a perplexed face, "Yeah? And tell me Ichigo, how do you know that?" She felt odly happy that he thought she was never going to die. She never would have admitted it, but it did make her the least bit happy.

Ichigo heard the cry of help in her voice and sighed. He turned himself so that he was fully facing her, his head, his eyes, and his body. Ichigo gave her a confident look, "Cuz I'll be there protectin you. That's why you're not gunna die, idiot."

Rukia looked down, she could feel hot tears forming in her eyes. "Am I really that important of a person to protect? I've killed a lot of people Ichigo. I've killed Kaien-dono, someone who I've always been extremely grateful to. I've killed a friend's younger brother because I was ordered to. I carried many death issues out Ichigo, and I've always succeded. I've killed many innocent beings! Those people probably shouldn't even have died in the first place! But no! They all died by my hands! **My** hands!" Rukia calmed down and began to breathe evenly again, "shouldn't I at least die to make up for all those souls I've killed? If I die, then maybe their souls will rest in peace and will no longer roam helplessly around earth!"

Ichigo paused and took a second to let his head soak up all these emotions she was pouring out. His browns eyes viewed Rukia, she was sobbing, bawling her eyes out, but somehow, seeing Rukia this way made his heart feel a sudden pinch and made him want to reach out and hold her. He wanted to comfort her, and he wanted her to feel comforted.

Without thinking, he stood up from his chair and embraced the sobbing Rukia within his arms. He felt her stiffen in his hold, then he felt her relax after a while. "Rukia…I, everyone protects you because I, we feel that you are someone important to us," and with a faint whisper, Ichigo said, "You can't die…cuz then I'll die too…"

Rukia's face twisted into confusion and buried her face into his chest. "What do you mean…by important?" She mumbled into his shirt. She felt his embrace beginning to get tighter.

"Imporant as…as…as someone…you love…" Ichigo blushed while saying this and watched as Rukia's small face and violet eyes bore into his own brown irises.

"Love…" Rukia whispered faintly. She had noticed Ichigo's blush and was reminded of another talk she had had with Inoue and Tatsuki. It had been about why boys blushed. Rukia had remembered that day like it had been just yesterday. Inoue was going on about the true fact of why boys blushed. "It's because they like someone or something! Kuchiki-san! Tatsuki-chan! They blush whenever they feel embarrassed around someone they like! Maybe even love!" Inoue said, pointing her finger in a teacher-like way.

Someone they like, or ever love. Rukia looked back up at a blushing Ichigo. She had to make sure that his reddish face was not caused by a fever. She reached up with one hand and touched his face. His face was softer than she had expected. She found herself rubbing his face with her thumb affectionately and smiled. He gave her such a warm feeling inside. Was this…

"…love…?" Rukia asked outloud. A second after saying that out loud, she quickly covered her mouth and gasped. She had felt Ichigo tense and watched silently as his blush and childish reaction was replaced by a more serious face.

"Did you just say 'love' Rukia?" Ichigo asked the small girl in his arms questionably.

That question had left both Rukia and Ichigo speechless. Rukia was speechless because she was overthinking the question. Ichigo was speechless because he was anxiously awaiting her answer. Somehow, they both wanted Rukia's answer to be, 'Yes Ichigo. Yes Ichigo, I do love you.'

Being the physic he is, Rukia ended up answering, "Yes Ichigo. Yes Ichigo, I did say love…" It wasn't exactly the entire sentence he wanted to hear, but he did only ask her what she said. Meanwhile, Rukia was blushing and her heart was beating faster than it's normal pace.

Ichigo leaned down and kissed her forehead. It had been immidiate and short and sweet. "Now tell me Rukia…_Who_ is it that _you_ love?" Ichigo asked in a husky voice, his lips were still at her forehead.

Rukia had lightly moaned when he had planted a light, chaste kiss on her forehead, making her wish for more. Rukia tilted her head higher so that her lips were just 2 centimeters away from his, "_You Ichigo_."

**K…YEA I'M NOT DONE YET. hehe**


End file.
